[ marcus looks a little put off by billy's compliments - not because he feels negatively about billy giving them to him, or anything, but because marcus simply doesn't believe them, deep down. try as he might to foster this image of himself as someone intellectually superior to those around him, if he were as brave and as honest as he wanted to be, he would be doing something with his life beyond writing in a diary and nearly getting killed once a week. he'd be working harder to meet his goals - creating for the sake of creating. he's not smart. sure as shit not pretty.
but he doesn't get the chance to rebuke, because billy brings up maria, and marcus just laughs, bitter and dismissive, as he tilts his face away from billy's hand. he doesn't really mind the slaps. lex does 'em harder. ]
Are you kidding me? Maria would drop me the second she got here. No Chico to worry about - a whole new system to work.
[ a girl like maria could have any sub she wanted, so a sewer rat like marcus would be bottom rung, if she arrived here as a dom. if she didn't, why would she waste her time fraternizing with him? another sub, disposable and undesirable, less capable of giving her what she wanted than he was back home. marcus hasn't even lived through the part of vegas where she finally tried to fuck him - as far as he's concerned, their relationship has been one-sided attraction on his part, while she fed him crumbs and promised there'd be more affection if he just did as she asked. marcus, desperate and needy as he is, keeps falling for it when they're in the same room together. when they're not, he's always been able to see her a little clearer.
doesn't matter either way. out of sight, out of mind. marcus stays still, staring at the ground, at billy's waist, all the things that are eye-line from the uncomfortable, gritty floor. he curls his hands up, wipes his ear on his bony-ass arm when it gets itchy for no reason. he's not sure how to answer that follow-up question honestly for a few reasons, which is why he reflexively smudges the truth a little and leans on more of his trademark social commentary. ]
I've just been trying to... make friends, I guess. Like I said - I don't want to... do all that with strangers. Kind of hard, getting to know people here with the intention of having sex with them, but - then again, like I said, this place is just like home. Only more honest.
[ the air feels heavier, even before he says what he wants to say next. half a joke, half not. like always. brave and honest. could never be him. ]
But, hey, you've already put in the hard work. If you ever want an awkward, clumsy handjob from your favorite heterosexual, let me know.
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but he doesn't get the chance to rebuke, because billy brings up maria, and marcus just laughs, bitter and dismissive, as he tilts his face away from billy's hand. he doesn't really mind the slaps. lex does 'em harder. ]
Are you kidding me? Maria would drop me the second she got here. No Chico to worry about - a whole new system to work.
[ a girl like maria could have any sub she wanted, so a sewer rat like marcus would be bottom rung, if she arrived here as a dom. if she didn't, why would she waste her time fraternizing with him? another sub, disposable and undesirable, less capable of giving her what she wanted than he was back home. marcus hasn't even lived through the part of vegas where she finally tried to fuck him - as far as he's concerned, their relationship has been one-sided attraction on his part, while she fed him crumbs and promised there'd be more affection if he just did as she asked. marcus, desperate and needy as he is, keeps falling for it when they're in the same room together. when they're not, he's always been able to see her a little clearer.
doesn't matter either way. out of sight, out of mind. marcus stays still, staring at the ground, at billy's waist, all the things that are eye-line from the uncomfortable, gritty floor. he curls his hands up, wipes his ear on his bony-ass arm when it gets itchy for no reason. he's not sure how to answer that follow-up question honestly for a few reasons, which is why he reflexively smudges the truth a little and leans on more of his trademark social commentary. ]
I've just been trying to... make friends, I guess. Like I said - I don't want to... do all that with strangers. Kind of hard, getting to know people here with the intention of having sex with them, but - then again, like I said, this place is just like home. Only more honest.
[ the air feels heavier, even before he says what he wants to say next. half a joke, half not. like always. brave and honest. could never be him. ]
But, hey, you've already put in the hard work. If you ever want an awkward, clumsy handjob from your favorite heterosexual, let me know.