[ though billy is mostly a fill-the-silence kind of guy, he finds it easy to just let the quiet settle between them, walking alongside marcus and allowing himself to get a only a little lost in his own head. his sneakers scuff against the pavement, and if both of his hands weren't occupied, he'd probably stop to pick up the odd piece of litter here and there, if only to make the side of the city they've been condemned to seem a little less miserable.
it's as they draw closer to the dorms that billy starts to feel kind of nervous again, gets that fluttery, twisting sensation low in his gut, part anxiety, part anticipation of something... new. or someone new, maybe. both. billy takes his arm from around marcus' shoulder to get the door, awkwardly and exaggeratedly sweeping his arm in a way that suggests marcus should go first. after you. the stairs are narrow on the way up, so billy sticks behind marcus, and when marcus makes a stop at his own dorm, billy tells him he'll meet him upstairs.
he has no idea what he's going to do if his room mate is in. billy can't exactly kick someone out of their own room, and it's not like he has anything valuable to bargain with, no persuasive promises to make in exchange for a little privacy. they could just go to marcus' dorm, he thinks, if push comes to shove - or just call the whole thing off, but it's that thought that propels billy forward. he doesn't want to call this off, and he's not sure what that says about him, but he doesn't really want to think about it too much, either. probably means he's fucked up that he'd miss the opportunity to jerk his friend off and be jerked off in return, but again. not thinking about it.
by some miracle, the dorm is empty. billy breathes a sigh of relief, propping his board up against the wall nearest to the door and passing his palm over the side of his head all the way to the back of his neck. it's such an ugly room, but billy can't think of a single time he ever got laid somewhere that wasn't kind of aesthetically unpleasant, so. at least he's consistent. he doesn't close the door all the way, leaving it cracked for marcus so he knows he doesn't have to bother knocking, and then he just - stands there. suddenly, he has no idea what he's supposed to be doing. this isn't his first handjob, but it's -
it's different. nothing about what's going to happen feels the same, and nothing's even happened yet. billy fiddles with the chain around his neck, turns the small padlock on it back and forth between his fingertips, and when marcus shows up and closes the door behind him, he only startles a little. he glances back over his shoulder quickly, relaxes slightly when he sees that it's just marcus and not his room mate come to ruin everything, and lifts his chin at him in greeting, offering one of those thin-lipped smiles that marcus offered him earlier.
as marcus moves, billy's eyes follow, but he very quickly starts to feel uncomfortable just standing around, so he moves, too. first, to take his shoes off, which he steps on the backs of one at a time, sliding his feet off before kicking his sneakers out of the way somewhere off to the side. the weed in marcus' hand hasn't gone unnoticed, so he moves again, this time to the small dresser on his side of the room, to the things scattered on top of it. he picks a matchbook out, huffs a quiet laugh with his back turned as marcus comments on the state of his dorm. ]
Damn. Mine all look like the Quaker Oats guy. Makes it real hard to fall asleep at night when he's just up there watching you— [ he makes a clicking sound with his mouth, makes a quick jerking off gesture with one hand ] —you know?
[ probably... the worst joke he could make right now, but it's out of his mouth before he can catch himself and there's no taking it back, so he just rolls with it. turns, tosses the match book at marcus, leans back against the dresser with his arms crossed loosely over his chest.
marcus' confession is genuinely a little bit surprising to billy, maybe made a little obvious by the way his mouth turns down and his eyebrows pinch together slightly. he blinks, uncrosses one of his arms to gesture at marcus the same way marcus gestured at himself. ]
You're tryna tell me you spent all that time living on the streets and not one [ he uncrosses both arms here to wiggle his fingers. jazz hands. ] lady of the night ever tried to give you a free beej or whatever just for being so pretty?
[ he's like, half joking here, half serious, his expression a mix between genuine confusion and quiet mirth.
regardless, though, billy's not one to judge, and if billy's feeling intimidated, it's definitely not because he's afraid of having less experience. he shrugs the confession off like it's no big deal - because really, it isn't - curling one hand into a loose fist and rubbing his palm over the backs of his knuckles back and forth a few times. it almost looks like he's trying to work up the courage to do something, probably because he is.
before he can talk himself out of it, billy turns and grabs his skateboard, wedging it vertically underneath the doorknob, effectively sealing them in and keeping anyone else out, and it feels very intentional. when that's done, he turns back around, and just keeps moving, sits down next to marcus maybe with a little too much bounce, and reaches for the baggie of weed in his hand. ]
Well. Good news is, it's pretty hard to fuck up a handjob.
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it's as they draw closer to the dorms that billy starts to feel kind of nervous again, gets that fluttery, twisting sensation low in his gut, part anxiety, part anticipation of something... new. or someone new, maybe. both. billy takes his arm from around marcus' shoulder to get the door, awkwardly and exaggeratedly sweeping his arm in a way that suggests marcus should go first. after you. the stairs are narrow on the way up, so billy sticks behind marcus, and when marcus makes a stop at his own dorm, billy tells him he'll meet him upstairs.
he has no idea what he's going to do if his room mate is in. billy can't exactly kick someone out of their own room, and it's not like he has anything valuable to bargain with, no persuasive promises to make in exchange for a little privacy. they could just go to marcus' dorm, he thinks, if push comes to shove - or just call the whole thing off, but it's that thought that propels billy forward. he doesn't want to call this off, and he's not sure what that says about him, but he doesn't really want to think about it too much, either. probably means he's fucked up that he'd miss the opportunity to jerk his friend off and be jerked off in return, but again. not thinking about it.
by some miracle, the dorm is empty. billy breathes a sigh of relief, propping his board up against the wall nearest to the door and passing his palm over the side of his head all the way to the back of his neck. it's such an ugly room, but billy can't think of a single time he ever got laid somewhere that wasn't kind of aesthetically unpleasant, so. at least he's consistent. he doesn't close the door all the way, leaving it cracked for marcus so he knows he doesn't have to bother knocking, and then he just - stands there. suddenly, he has no idea what he's supposed to be doing. this isn't his first handjob, but it's -
it's different. nothing about what's going to happen feels the same, and nothing's even happened yet. billy fiddles with the chain around his neck, turns the small padlock on it back and forth between his fingertips, and when marcus shows up and closes the door behind him, he only startles a little. he glances back over his shoulder quickly, relaxes slightly when he sees that it's just marcus and not his room mate come to ruin everything, and lifts his chin at him in greeting, offering one of those thin-lipped smiles that marcus offered him earlier.
as marcus moves, billy's eyes follow, but he very quickly starts to feel uncomfortable just standing around, so he moves, too. first, to take his shoes off, which he steps on the backs of one at a time, sliding his feet off before kicking his sneakers out of the way somewhere off to the side. the weed in marcus' hand hasn't gone unnoticed, so he moves again, this time to the small dresser on his side of the room, to the things scattered on top of it. he picks a matchbook out, huffs a quiet laugh with his back turned as marcus comments on the state of his dorm. ]
Damn. Mine all look like the Quaker Oats guy. Makes it real hard to fall asleep at night when he's just up there watching you— [ he makes a clicking sound with his mouth, makes a quick jerking off gesture with one hand ] —you know?
[ probably... the worst joke he could make right now, but it's out of his mouth before he can catch himself and there's no taking it back, so he just rolls with it. turns, tosses the match book at marcus, leans back against the dresser with his arms crossed loosely over his chest.
marcus' confession is genuinely a little bit surprising to billy, maybe made a little obvious by the way his mouth turns down and his eyebrows pinch together slightly. he blinks, uncrosses one of his arms to gesture at marcus the same way marcus gestured at himself. ]
You're tryna tell me you spent all that time living on the streets and not one [ he uncrosses both arms here to wiggle his fingers. jazz hands. ] lady of the night ever tried to give you a free beej or whatever just for being so pretty?
[ he's like, half joking here, half serious, his expression a mix between genuine confusion and quiet mirth.
regardless, though, billy's not one to judge, and if billy's feeling intimidated, it's definitely not because he's afraid of having less experience. he shrugs the confession off like it's no big deal - because really, it isn't - curling one hand into a loose fist and rubbing his palm over the backs of his knuckles back and forth a few times. it almost looks like he's trying to work up the courage to do something, probably because he is.
before he can talk himself out of it, billy turns and grabs his skateboard, wedging it vertically underneath the doorknob, effectively sealing them in and keeping anyone else out, and it feels very intentional. when that's done, he turns back around, and just keeps moving, sits down next to marcus maybe with a little too much bounce, and reaches for the baggie of weed in his hand. ]
Well. Good news is, it's pretty hard to fuck up a handjob.